The Beginning
It's like a trance state but without the peace. I'm spinning off into space, the only thing holding me in the now is my knowledge that I can do this. The knowledge that this moment is mine, it will define me. I'm split in two at this moment. Half of me floating above the earth spinning ethereally following Lachie up to heaven, the other half feeling purpose and determination to stay on the ground in the real world doing tangible things. Tangible blood, visceral smell, audible cries, deafening silence. These are the things that connect me spinning up in orbit to the me in the trenches digging through the lifeblood of a child not even aware of death, even as he's dying. Sometimes I'm back on earth. My body stops spinning up in space. Sometimes I can clearly see the earth below as I slowly spin. These two versions of myself can't fully connect from both places. I want to sew them together but I can't bear to lose the perspective of either place. I want to be i