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A letter to an untold story

 I am sitting here. At the phone. This is the phone where I announced a child was dying. Martin. I didn't know him well. But he is a huge part of me now. I was sitting at the craft table making Samuel his 100th spongebob when Laura came over to me and said 'we need to call someone' and ran off. I turned around and Martin was lying down his Dad looking concerned. Martin started crying, like he had a little fall. I looked at my feet. Blood. From where? I look at Martin about 4 meters away. He's bleeding.  My body kicks right into action. It's like a trance state but without the peace. Like I'm spinning off into space, the only thing holding me to earth is my determination to help. That happens in an instant. That instant feels like a slow 10 minutes but the next 10 minutes feel like an instant. Laura's at the phone 'who do I call?' she calls a code blue - or is it MET? - Dad screams for a fist aid kit I grab it and fumble fumblefumble fucking hands sta...
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OK, so

 OK, so Sometimes it feels too much When I have a quiet moment it's filled like a roller coaster I'm not used to that I want my head under the surface Where it's dull All I can hear is my heart I can feel the beats ripple And sounds muffle But I also can't get shit out of my head I have a dam that I need to empty One quiet moment at a time
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The Beginning

 As life dissapears My heart is ripped The shot isn't enough to save you My hands hold what you need But as it drips through my fingers I can't save you So instead I am broken You didn't know me but you broke me You weren't deserving But you died And this weight in my soul Will get lighter with time But for now I cry It drains It drips You quieten He gets louder I stare Hopeless This has nothing to do with me But here I am And so every ounce of sympathy I recieve I pass to you
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Her (sneaky) Response

 I am broken My thoughts, my dreams and every expectation of my life has been completely shattered. You came into my life and filled me with so much love and joy and possibility that I broke. Your light reflects on the mess that is me. And for the first time I am glittery and shiny, and I didn't have to try. Your warm glow wrecks me. But I'm more beautiful than before. It makes me wonder if I was even whole to start with.
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Her

 This is real This is so real it's unreal My chest won't stop My heart can't stop These are things dreams try to be Which is why it is so unreal But the things that I feel Are to visceral to ignore. as the little whims, I'm sure, you feel the string that connects our hearts, we can't forget even though we live so far away It tugs my butterflies so they fly backwards Backwards Butterflys Because I miss you Tumbling heart Because I feel you From so far away Perfection doesn't exist I know this But why do I find more That I can't ignore as so totally you.
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Something

 If I can't do something right now I might smoulder from the inside Like a cancer eats me These walls will defeat me There walls put here by me Will crush until I appear to be Souless
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Seaple

 There are so many people that people become commonplace It is normal to walk past more people in a day than you will ever meet in your lifetime. I long for people to be cherished Each person a possibility Each one new and fascinating So I sit in my room Scared of the people Their noise Their smell The way they ignore everyone Like they're on a ship in the middle of the ocean. The 'other' people are water. Bouying them towards their goal. Silent witnesses to their journey. There's so much water I can only run my fingers through it. I can't pick up each drop and find out its journey.
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